also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
