Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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