I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
