What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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