Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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