I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
