I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
