Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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