He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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