They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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