After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
