The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
