a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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