It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sext me about skeletons
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
