I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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