she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
