One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
