I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
