don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
