she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
