So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
