oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
