True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
