What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
