with your own penis?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
