I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
