he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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