We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Randomize
