If you die in college, do you die in real life?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize