she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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