John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize