my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
