I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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