HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In America we eat man semen.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
