a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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