dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
