he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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