I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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