why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize