I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
