So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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