I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
