I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
