i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
