My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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