I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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