Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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