You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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