I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
