How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
