Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
