Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
