My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
