one two three fourrrrnication!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
