you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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