btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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