i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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