You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
