At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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