...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
