just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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