2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
