apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
