thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
